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Depression after a divorce

by Isabel
(San Clemente, CA USA)

I recently walked out of an abusive relationship, I am now divorced. I wanted my marriage to work and tried hard, but he would not change. I am depressed over the divorce and being alone again. I can't get over the hurt and pain, and keep thinking about it. I pray and pray to get over this. It has been 3 1/2 months.

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The Pain is too much.
by: John

I am recently divorced, well, its not quite final yet. She walked out on me with my kids about 3 months ago. I was not always the perfect husband. I must admit that over a year before she left, I did the dispicable. I committed adultry. She took me right back and said she wanted to get through it and continue to work on our marriage. I felt so ashamed and hurt about what I did. I begged for God's forgiveness and for her's as well. a little over a year later she walked out on me. She says its because of what I did then. She calls me all the time to rub it in my face how wrong and horrible i was to have done that. 3 days ago, i found out she was seeing another man. and that it had been going on for about 2 months. she has been having him hang around even with my kids. we are still married. and now since i found out she wont let me see my little girls. she tries to blame all of what she is doing on me because of what i did. for the past 5 months, i have done nothing but work so hard to make this work, i have fought and kicked and scratched and prayed so hard, all the while being punished by her for my wrongs of the past, and even still being punished for it when she was doing the same thing, and in front of my little girls. it hurt so bad to begin with, but now the pain is unbearable... sometimes i find myself in prayer and asking God to please end my pain... I just need help....

depression after divorce
by: Anonymous

I think it is important for you to look for places where you can just be...take time on yourself...not necessarily to think about yourself until you go crazy but to just relax with other friends, play golf, basketball etc. And to thank God for your life and your health.

In the Early Stages
by: Greer

My wife left me after being together for 6 1/2 years and married for 3 1/2. I made my share of mistakes but never cheated on her, lied to her, nor abused her. I love her more than anything on this earth but thought that she would be around forever and put her priorities in second place too often. I have only spoken to her twice in 9 1/2 weeks, on the phone at the five week mark so she could tell me she didn't know if she wanted to work things out and the morning she moved out her share of our stuff at the 9 1/2 week mark. She surprised me with divorce papers without any communication. And I have no idea where she lives. She has given me ever excuse to want ehr out of my life yet when I looked into her eyes the morning she came to move out, I still saw the woman that I love more than anything. How do you finally let go and except that God is not going to bring her back?

for isabel
by: Anonymous

dear isabel the only one on this earth you can change is yourself. which is really a blessing because that means no one can change you unless you want them to. He is how he is because its who he wants to be. it is difficult to accept sometimes i know but its the truth. Maybe you can't get over it because the problem didn't start there with him. Look at the relationships you grew up with as an example when you were a child did you see a similar scenario play out? people trying to change each other or fix each other? that isn't love. Maybe working through some childhood stuff will help you heal the present it has worked wonders for me.
blessings

the role of prayer
by: Anonymous

a problem that seems to be rife with many christians is the way in which prayer is used. We have been given free will in this life to do as we please. We have the power to do as we choose. Then a problem comes up because a certain thing we choose is not what we want and causes problems. Then instead of choosing how we wish to be and acting from that we pray and pray for god to intervene and change it. Why all of a sudden is it that we give up our own choices and lump it onto god. I am not saying here that god would have a problem with this at all but we are given the power of choice after all and we have the power to change our own circumstances. We can make another choice and act in a different way. The most powerful thing we have is our own thought when we give up on ourselves and pray for a way out we are denying our power to improve our lives. Prayers such as "please god help me" continues to play the same scenario out of constantly needing intervention and furthers the feeling of helplessness. Praying for others to change is another problem (when you haven't been asked to do o)....you are effectively praying for god to take away others free will to help you achieve your own ends because you have not learnt to make yourself happy. Ah but i hear you say its for their own good. Who are you to judge what is in their best interests. How would you feel if others prayed for things for you that you do not want. The best prayer is one of gratitude thanks for what you have think only of what you want and stop playing out the past in you mind.

ABUSIVE MARRIAGE
by: Anonymous

I had to walk away from a 24 year marriage for physical abuse reasons, I am still down and lonely after 3 years. how long does it take to get over this, i lost my home and everything in it, just walked away, still trying to sell the house as I have had no money yet but he still lives there and moved his other woman in 5 months after I left.

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