Light Body Question - Conquering sex instincts

My husband suddenly stopped loving and desiring me. I am badly deprived of love and physical intimacy. I haven't made love for 5 months and hence craving for it. How can I stop desiring physical intimacy including conquering the need for sex?

Comments for Light Body Question - Conquering sex instincts

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Oct 29, 2008
Communication
by: Mashubi

Dearest one,

Sexual energies are natural and can be transmuted in different ways through yogic breathing practices, channeling the energy into vigorous exercises, spiritual healing work that balances the chakra system, and spiritual purification practices. These do not however address the larger issue of what is happening in your relationship with your husband. I recommend that you also address what is happening in your relationship honestly with him, and seek help if necessary to open up communication between you. With love and blessings, Mashubi

Oct 29, 2008
Communication
by: Anonymous

Dear Mashoobi
thank you so much for your advice. However communication with my husband only yields the same responses, that he simply stopped loving me as I never came up to his expectations, and we're not meant for each other. It is strange that he suddenly feels like this after 20 years of marriage. In fact a few days before this drift, he was telling me the opposite. If asked why he feels I didn't meet his expectations, his reasoning is vague and what he says is difficult to counter, like he suffered all through because of me. It is puzzling as after a lot of analysis I don't agree with this at all. I might have made a few mistakes but he certainly seemed happy wih me before. He also says he doesn't have the desire to be loving with me at all and he doesn't know why. This type of communication with him only hurts me further, and I am unable to cope with it. Also for me its pointless.Please help me. What kind of communication were you suggesting in your response?

Nov 01, 2008
Relationship
by: hf

You mention that a couple of days ago things were different than they are at the current point where your husband doesn't love you. But you also mention that you haven't had sex in 5 months. There must have been something wrong for quite some time for there to be such a long time without intimacy. You might want to think about what happened the last time you two where intimate or try to examine what he has asked for in the past several months that you have not been able to provide. This is not to cast any blame on you, relationships are two-way, but this analysis may help you understand the specifics that went wrong in the relationship that your husband is now to frustrated to provide. My prayers will be with you and stay positive and meditate to clear your head and have peaceful time.

Nov 01, 2008
Requesting help
by: Mashubi

Dearest one,

I understand how confusing and painful it must be to suddenly experience this change in your husband. From what you've shared, it sounds as though your husband is not yet able to communicate what has changed for him in any way that makes sense for you. This would make communication difficult and painful for you both.

My recommendation would be that you both seek help together from a counselor, clergy, teacher or other helper that you both trust. In addition, we have some online resources that may be of help. One is our Messages by Request offered by my teacher Julie Redstone. She is very helpful and you may find some of these articles helpful. These are from our members area, which is open to everyone who wishes to join.

Here is one of the questions sent in, by a woman in a very similar situation to your own. I think you will find Julie's answer helpful to you as well. Simply follow the links to set up a members account to access the page.

Love and blessings,
Mashubi

When Marriages Change

Dear Julie,

We've been married for almost 20 years and my husband used to love me very much until recently when we had a fight over a trivial issue like cleaning up a few papers. He usually messes up the place which takes me hours to clean and leaves me tired. When I complained about some of his piles of unnecessary paper he got very angry and we broke into and argument and our relationship changed overnight.

He says he doesn't love me anymore and has completely distanced himself from me ever since, although I apologised to him and said that I sincerely love him. He talks to me normally but doesn't show any of his previous loving gestures to me nor does he desire me anymore. I'm heartbroken and badly want him back. I will be more loving to him and not complain about his habits if only he would come back to me.Its been months since he's changed and I see no signs of softening in him. I've been praying to God everyday but nothing seems to help.

I am losing hope and dreading the future. How can I get him back to be his old self? I'm saddened and cannot concentrate on anything. Help me please. Read Julie's reply here


Nov 02, 2008
Any help?
by: Anonymous

My dearest Mashubi
Thanks so much for your advice. I also realise things must have been long for a long time which I hadn't realised until I saw the sudden transformation by my husband. He also told me quite harshy a few days after the fight as to what was wrong. He had felt unloved and unwanted. On analysing I found some of his accusations true, some partly true and some untrue. Other mistakes from my side, I also realised myself. Also I hadn't enjoyed sex so much before and wasn't so responsive sometimes which was perhaps another bone of contention from his side. However most of the mistakes I had made was done without realising. After our last fight I mulled things over and clearly saw where I should change, but only if I am given a second chance, which is being denied to me.
As for seeking professional help, my husband will flatly refuse it. He says he's happy and satisfied the way things are and he's focusing on his own work. What should I do?

Nov 03, 2008
Awareness and choices
by: Mashubi

Dearest one,

You are so welcome. I'm glad so you are feeling more awareness of what has been going on in your relationship. As hf recommended in an earlier comment, looking back will bring understanding and clarity. It may be that the difficulties in your relationship have been present for a while, and are now coming to light so they can be healed.

I encourage you to continue opening your awareness to what has been going on in your relationship, and pray for healing both for yourself and for your husband. You cannot control whether he will be willing to give your relationship another chance or not, but you do have a choice in your own consciousness.

It has been my experience that when I transform and let go of my own limiting emotional patterns, that my relationships transform as well.

In this situation you have a choices of how you want to go forward. You can wait for a while, give your husband space and focus on your own healing process, and see what evolves. It may be that when your energy has shifted, he will open more again. You also may decide that you don't want to be in the relationship as it is now, and from there you will need to make some choices about how to proceed. I encourage you to pray for guidance, and wait until you have a clear answer before making any decisions.

There are additional resources here that may offer support to you during this time:

Meditations on Love and Relationships - Daily Meditations for the Heart

Articles and Resources on Spiritual Relationships

I hope these can be of support to you.

Love and blessings,
Mashubi

Mar 18, 2009
God ansered my prayers
by: Anonymous

Dear Mashubi
My sincere thanks to all of you for your prayers and good wishes to change my situation. God has answered my prayers and my husband is back to his old loving self. Thank you so much.
Sangeeta

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