Relationship question

by Lynn
(Ft. Lauderdale, Fl)

You have some very interesting relationship articles on your website. I have been a spiritual student for years and so your work is particularly interesting to me. I have a question for you, and it has been a tough one for me.

I have met someone who is extremely intelligent, on the same EXACT spiritual path I am, is kind, caring, considerate, and very emotionally available, has professed his love for me, has already begun to make moves to secure a future together (he has a teenage adopted son. I have a 4 year old daughter), is interested in marriage, and has just basically been a rock who has been very loving and thoughtful. He is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted in a man. Over the last year, I have come to love him - as I have a deep appreciation and respect for who he is. I could part ways with him now, and always love him as a great friend (and the feeling would be mutual). And besides that, our goals are similar and I believe that I could make him happy and he could make me happy.

My problem is, and I'm almost ashamed to type this, that I don't find him physically attractive. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy having sex with him. But when I look at him, I just don't find him attractive. He is overweight, but I don't even know if I would find him very attractive if he lost the weight (because I've always known him as the size that he is). I find myself being embarassed at the thought of introducing him to my family because I normally date attractive men who take care of themselves. I have always been an attractive woman myself.

You may be wondering, at this point, how we got together in the first place. Well he helped me tremendously in getting through my recent divorce. At a time when I really was pushing all romantic prospects away, he stayed consistent and genuine in his desire to be friends. We worked together, so I saw him every day anyway. One day, one thing led to another - and the sex was enjoyable from the start.

Should I stay with this man even though I don't find him physically attractive? Am I asking silly questions? How important is attractiveness in a relationship anyway? Your opinion would be appreciated.

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