Spiritual Relationships - Letting Go or Confronting?

by Ashley
(PA)

I am having difficulty understanding what is wrong and what is right in a relationship. I have had a series of negative relationships, so I feel that my perception may be skewed to some degree. I also believe that Love allows what is, to be what is, and does not worry over such material things, but, I am still disturbed in my heart, which is why I must share.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. He is a beautiful human being, a very special one, a person that I know God has brought into my life for a very beautiful purpose. I believe that he loves me, and cares for me, and I also trust that he would be faithful to me. However, I find that he is constantly looking (I say gawking, yet he disagress) at other woman. While I understand this is a natural part about being human, and I must accept that attraction to other women (and men for me) is normal, I find that he does this excessively, and many times makes it a point to verbally announce a woman's "sexiness" to me. Many times when I see him taking a second look at a girl, or creating an opportunity to talk to this beautiful woman, I feel violated and very insecure. I have dealt with a history of abuse, so I am unsure whether my reaction is warranted.

I have spoke to him about this and we both have recognized and agreed that we cannot just "stop" being attracted to the other sex. However, I feel that he is so very overt about it, and that it feels disrespectful. I really love him, and I believe he loves me, but I think him and I have really differing viewpoints about such things.

I do not wish to ask him to change, for I cannot ask a person to change who they are. I am very confused and was hoping that this wonderful site could help.

Blessings dear children of God. Thank you.

Comments for Spiritual Relationships - Letting Go or Confronting?

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Blessings to you!
by: Betty

Hello! Blessings and high loving energy to you and your special guy! There is no way that I could advise you one way or the other about something like this. You must decide how you must. I will say what I have lived. I must speak my heart always, and then honestly assess the situation after speaking. Do I still feel violated with the actions of another after I have spoken my heart? My heart must always say a profound NO. If the answer if "yes" a change must occur (in one form or another) until my heart is at peace.
Be at peace, beautiful.

Putting love into action
by: Mashubi

Dearest Ashley, thank you for your question. In living a spiritual life, we have many opportunities each day to experience all kinds of feelings and energies, some generated from within ourselves through our own healing process, and some from other people.

When we love God and want to bring more of God's love and light into the world, we learn to make choices about what emotions and energies we express, and which we may choose to contain, that is to hold within ourselves because they may be hurtful to others and do not bring greater light into the world.

Your partner dearest Ashley has some kind of emotional motivation that is causing him to need to focus his attention and yours on the sexual attractiveness of other women. This is something within his own healing process and understandably, his behavior is painful and hurtful to you.

Since you have already spoken about this and he knows this is hurtful to you, you both now have a choice before you. For him, the choice is based on what is most important to him as a priority. He can choose to continue his behavior, even though it is hurtful to you, or he can choose to contain these energies and look within himself to find the real motivations behind his behaviors.

For you dearest Ashley, the choice will depend somewhat on your partner's choices. If he is with you on the spiritual path and committed to transformation and consciousness, he may be willing to look within himself to grow further, and to find a new way to communicate and be with his feelings that works for you both.

If it is more important for him to retain his habitual ways of expressing his sexual interest in other women, you will need to make a decision about how much of this kind of behavior you want to tolerate.

You are not bad or wrong for feeling hurt at his behavior, and he is not bad or wrong for feeling attraction to others. Both of these are common experiences, and it is the way that these feelings are handled that makes all the difference. Love in action requires love and respect for those we love, and the willingness to compromise and make adjustments that contribute to their well being.

At it's deepest essence, when we love someone, we wish to do everything we can to support them and help them to flourish. This doesn't mean condoning their negative or hurtful behaviors. Sometimes in fact it is confronting someone on their negative behaviors that is the most loving thing we can do for them.

I hope these thoughts are helpful for you dearest Ashely and I send you and your partner much love and may blessings.

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